Great piece Olivia. I'm glad to see some analysis on the intimacy economy that goes beyond the AI dimension. I recommend watching the mini-series Maniac on Netflix, which depicts a New York where rent-a-friend has become a thing.
I have a dear friend who runs almost everything thru chatgpt, and I'm honestly beginning to wonder if our decades-long friendship can survive her use of AI as an intimacy substitute.
We totally sensationalise the empathy/intimacy economy in Asia but we do it here in ways we don’t realise - care homes are one of the biggest growing sectors for employment at the moment. I read a piece of ethnography at uni about nurses’ experiences wiping down their patients and the weird combination of disgust and intimacy it generates. It was interesting but deeply sad too.
Ya, it was really interesting to me to find that we have "cuddle" services here in the US -- but it falls under "therapy" rather than the more casual service of a cuddle cafe in Japan. https://cuddlist.com/
I consider most therapy, bodywork, nursing homes, etc to fall within the intimacy economy by fulfilling our needs for witnessing, touch, and care from other humans.
I love the lightness of your writing — when most coverage about the loneliness epidemic frames this crisis of intimacy as the end all be all, we need more pieces like yours to help us rethink connection! loved this read, excited for more :)
Wow this was such a great read! I'm so fascinated by the idea of the intimacy economy/intimacy poverty you discuss here. I will be marinating on this for a while. Thank you for putting this to words so thoughtfully!
At parties, I find there are folks who always "look at the door" -- that is, waiting for someone new, or more interesting, or more beautiful to walk in that they can talk to. I think tech-mediated intimacy (esp. w/ dating apps) has inundated us with this kind of mentality: that finding your "soulmate" happens by always looking for the "next best thing" (even if you have to swipe 1,000 times to find it).
Paradoxically, intimacy comes from presence, commitment, and depth. It's like Barry Schwartz's paradox of choice — you actually only want a few choices. Too many creates less satisfaction and more paralysis, like choosing from 50 cereal boxes at the grocery store. I imagine matchmakers were more effective back in the day because they weren't promising you 1,000 suitors, but rather, only the 20 that were eligible in your small town. So I agree that scale is a novel and huge part of it!
Great piece Olivia. I'm glad to see some analysis on the intimacy economy that goes beyond the AI dimension. I recommend watching the mini-series Maniac on Netflix, which depicts a New York where rent-a-friend has become a thing.
Also, related to synethetic intimacy is the phenomenon of 'humanwashing' AI companions. You may find this piece interesting: https://whatsanu.substack.com/p/2510-humanwashing
Thanks Philip! Can't wait to dig in, this piece looks amazing... Excited to follow your thinking & work ~
I have a dear friend who runs almost everything thru chatgpt, and I'm honestly beginning to wonder if our decades-long friendship can survive her use of AI as an intimacy substitute.
Should have begun by saying how much I loved your article!! Very thought provoking.
loved this!
What a great first post!!
We totally sensationalise the empathy/intimacy economy in Asia but we do it here in ways we don’t realise - care homes are one of the biggest growing sectors for employment at the moment. I read a piece of ethnography at uni about nurses’ experiences wiping down their patients and the weird combination of disgust and intimacy it generates. It was interesting but deeply sad too.
Ya, it was really interesting to me to find that we have "cuddle" services here in the US -- but it falls under "therapy" rather than the more casual service of a cuddle cafe in Japan. https://cuddlist.com/
I consider most therapy, bodywork, nursing homes, etc to fall within the intimacy economy by fulfilling our needs for witnessing, touch, and care from other humans.
Wow! That was your first post? It was so good! I'm excited to read more. Greetings from another recent first time poster 🌻
I love the lightness of your writing — when most coverage about the loneliness epidemic frames this crisis of intimacy as the end all be all, we need more pieces like yours to help us rethink connection! loved this read, excited for more :)
Wow this was such a great read! I'm so fascinated by the idea of the intimacy economy/intimacy poverty you discuss here. I will be marinating on this for a while. Thank you for putting this to words so thoughtfully!
At parties, I find there are folks who always "look at the door" -- that is, waiting for someone new, or more interesting, or more beautiful to walk in that they can talk to. I think tech-mediated intimacy (esp. w/ dating apps) has inundated us with this kind of mentality: that finding your "soulmate" happens by always looking for the "next best thing" (even if you have to swipe 1,000 times to find it).
Paradoxically, intimacy comes from presence, commitment, and depth. It's like Barry Schwartz's paradox of choice — you actually only want a few choices. Too many creates less satisfaction and more paralysis, like choosing from 50 cereal boxes at the grocery store. I imagine matchmakers were more effective back in the day because they weren't promising you 1,000 suitors, but rather, only the 20 that were eligible in your small town. So I agree that scale is a novel and huge part of it!